Mostly my “dogs life” is intended to come over in an self deprecatory and dryly ironic tone (I hope?).
When life actually becomes a real trial, it is not always easy to sustain the humourous outlook (ironic or otherwise), although in many ways it becomes more important, as it’s the humour (however dry) that can sustain you, in such a time of need.
I could write about the bloodsucking criminally incompetant lawers (pretty much as expected). I could dwell upon the extra money paid for a house which “needed” almost nothing done (see endless list). I could pile curses and imprecations at British Gas and it’s minions (I’m not sure I would stop).
Instead I’d like to return by sharing some thoughts about a feature of my new home; stairs-
(With apologies to the few I shared this with before under “Heavy lfting” I thought I’d share it with a wider (?) audience)
Tomorrow I am scheduled to hang curtains in the dining room (floor 1); I imagine the day rather like this:
Kitchen (Floor1) to Pend; (floor0) to get THE REALLY TALL STEPS
Pend; move two boxes to get at the RTS. Back door will not open enough to allow RTS through (slight bend) due to carelessly parked bicycle
Put down RTS move bicycle to new position, pick up RTS and proceed to Dining Room (floor1)
Climb RTS at window to assess mounting points for curtain pole.Decide to mount pole on wooden surround come back down, get bracket, drill and discover that all screws are too big/small.
Go back down to Pend(F0; locate suitable screws (box is under boxes earlier moved, now moved again.)
Return dining room(F1): where I discover that I am wrong and that I am not mounting anything on the wooden surround, but above the surround on the wall.
Realise that I now require raw plugs and a different drill bit. Astonishingly these ARE in the dining room (current repository for most used tools).
Go back up RTS with curtain pole , lean out at ridiculous angle holding pole in approximate location from one end, until approval given.
Come back down RTS select drill and brackets and raw plug and hammer and screw
Back up RTS locate first bracket, locate second bracket.
Come back down RTs move steps, back up steps, cannot reach third bracket position.
Back down RTS. Attempt to move couch blocking access. Fail. Move three boxes (of books) from couch to table. Move couch move RTS
Back up RTS drill third hole, big piece of plaster falls off.
Try alternative position 1, discover impenetrable hard spot which drill will not pierce.
Try alternative position 2, unable to do this with left hand purchase only. Come back down to move RTS to facilitate Right hand position.
Move all 3 boxes books off table, Move table, get told off for moving table alone (risk of marks on floor). Move RTS
Get 3 bracket fixed.
Go back to Pend(F0) for Filler. Filler not in Pend (not even under boxes). Filler in Bedroom1 (floor2) from task yesterday.
Go up to Bed1 back down to Dining room, up RTS, fill hole.
Back down RTS for Pole. Back up with Pole. Align decorative end pieces horizontally. Tighten all screws. (ridiculous stretching to avoid moving RTS)
Down steps check handywork. Discover that end pieces are to be aligned vertically.
Back up under supervision. Back down move RTS as ridiculous leaning violates health and safety.
Back down wipe hands. Get given rings which should already be pole.
(cut to 30 min later)
Come back down Rings and curtains now on Pole with ends vertically aligned. Move couch back, move table back, move boxes back.
RTS to go “out of the way” back to Pend, and Box to come back up.
Box (of curtains who knew) from Pend to Dining room. But these are for Bedroom 2, so onto Floor 2
Bedroom 2 next on today’s list. Does not require RTS only Normal Steps.
Normal steps in Hall (Floor 0) behind bicycle (tangled in bicycle, trapped in bicycle, who put this bloody bicycle here?)
Steps to Bed2(f2), back to Dining(F1) room for Drill, screws, screwdriver,
Back to Bed2, where is curtain track ? Pend ……
Next week : British Gas -Call centre in South Africa you say…
Dalmallyfest the Asylum 