Congratulations to Andy B on his kiltwalk ! – which for some reason I thought was a “virtual kiltwalk” (what would that even be?). Money well raised in a good cause. At least he got a good day for his effort. Attempting to walk any great distance in a kilt in the pouring rain is a “dispiriting” to say the least.
Not only did our resident god of heavy metal complete his 21 mile goal, he actual walked a few “bonus ” extra miles courtesy of “shatnav”.
Regular readers will be aware that, I, have also experienced some issues in this area (IaDL 14), and it’s easy to forget that, for all it’s first world failings and potential comedy status, there was a time when you, or your font seat passenger, were either trying to read an AA map (” I think that was the junction we just passed…”), or the hand written notes on the back of an evelope, (“She said we should turn right at the ….-turns paper sideways- the… -turns paper upside down- the tree? trafficlights? tractor? oh wait it’s phonebox!”)
[Younger viewers may wonder how it could ever have been possible to confuse trafficlights with phone box, but then, they may also be wondering what a phone box was. Some – I do believe- will be wondering about “hand written” and “envelope”]
It is easy to forget what navigation was like before the advent of “s(h)atnav”….
Waveylines fade into long-ago, black and white, with wide ties and considerably more hair…
A phone box somewhere outside an industrial estate in Milton Keynes (two budding computer entrepreneurs, and some friends, are attending the festival, but also returning a faulty machine to it’s local manufacturer).
“Right we’re at the junction, where now?…. head on passed 2 traffic lights ..take the right.. follow the road round….left at the post box.. and your on the right… Big sign… cant miss it… IT’S OBVIOUS”
I ( yet to be named as Lucky Dog), was writing this down on the side of torn cardboard box (no-one had thought to bring an envelope). Only I could bring a pencil to a festival.
The right, will take us into a leafy suburbia, left will enter the industrial estate. We go left figuring we got it wrong. Half a sweltering hour later we are back at the phone box (It was the hottest day of the year). Same directions
We go right into leay suburbia, which is clearly not where we will find our major computer manufacturer. No large signs, no hidden high tech base, not even much in the way of people, it is too hot to be outside. We see one aged ( about 40 lol) resident gardening, but we are so clearly wrong that we do not ask. Back to the phone box.
Tempers are fraying now, we are in danger of being late for the music. We have run out of non alcoholic liquids, and the air conditioning was never actually fitted to this old car. We have only one more 10p (ask your parents).
Once again we check our directions, once again the magic mantra “it’s obvious”.
We cruise through suburbia (this can’t be right) at walking speed. Five pair of eyes scanning for the “big sign”, while sniping about who’s idea this is, who couldn’t read their own writing, how the first band are the ones we came to see, who does not know left from right, and who did not bring an envelope.
After a complete loop and total blank, we resolve to make one last attempt, quiz our solitary gardener, and if unsuccessful, head to the festival.
By now heat exhaustion is kicking in and everything is everyone elses fault. No big signs. No F######ing Obvious! In frustration we pull up at the only clearly occupied house we have seen.
Walking up the garden I wave and ask politely if the resident knows of an IT company called CST in the area? He points mutely at the door, where, once I am a further 10 steps in, I can indeed clearly see a brass name plate with CST (about the size of “Smith”).
He looks past me at our vehicle and enquires in a broad London voice, “Are you the guys from PCBS?”
The company car -aka “Zebrawagon”
THAT is OBVIOUS!
Demonstrating that I was already living the dogs life before I got the name, and that Sat nav is not Always bad.
Next week on IaDL; The outdoor rehersal -1 year since we played, what could go wrong?
Dalmallyfest the Asylum 