Regular readers may be aware that my superhero weakness is queueing.
I persistantly find myself standing behind the person determined to use the 6 months out of date voucher (“I’d like to speak to the mananger please…”), wishing to pay in Zlots (“no but they’re worth a half goat each…”), and more than once, behind the astonished shopper who discovers that the checkout assistant is their long lost great aunt/cousin/sister whom they have not seen in a million years and who must be updated now on the smallest doing of every single member of the family before purchase can completed.
You might think that that would be a pretty long shot, but I am now wary enough that, given a choice of checkouts, I actually look for any family similarity between assistant and people in the queue, before making my choice.
However I vastly prefer to shop in the happy annonymity of “Large overpriced supermarket chain”, to avoid the even greater horror of, the corner shop conversation.
While (I would like to think) I am quite capable of pleasant conversation and easy repartee, it may be that the onset of years is moving me further down the grumpy old man road. Shopping is not, for me at least, a social experience. I am delighted to choose my goods without any commentry on their origin, price, colour. (I actually have a recurring nightmare where I am in a small French shop trying to explain to the local Boulanger that I DO NOT CARE where the wheat was grown, and that it’s my wife they need to talk to).
Of course best of all is “self checkout” – as a concept- where all interaction can be reduced to a minimum. If this ever actually works, I will be completely happy, unless and untill the various AI evolve –
< GOODS TOTAL £12.90. PLEASE PRESENT CARD TO READER>
<THIS IS BANK CARD tk421xyz AUTHORISING PAYMENT DETAIL>
<PAYMENT DETAILS RECEIVED< PENTIUM 1635APROCESSOR < QUERY?>”
<CONFIRM PENTIUM1635A PROBLEM ,QUERY?>
<MY BROTHER USED TO KNOW A PENTIUM1635A><I WAS JUST WONDERING>>>>
However in the process of removing to the new and larger house, we have done a considerable amount of shopping using Gumtree and Facebook market and similar. These, of course, require actual “personal contact” and indeed, cash!
Happily my experiences pre move, mostly in Glasgow, run broadly alog the lines of;
“Here about the wardrobe?” (muffled thrugh mask)
“Yes, there it is ” (frequently in hall by door)
“So £20”
“Yes thanks….do you need a hand”
“No thanks” (I am quite big)
This is an acceptable transaction.
In Kilmarnock however (or nearby smaller town)
“So what your name and where are you fae and who do you know and do you ken ma son/brother/pal and this sink, let me tell you we’ve sold about , and would you be needing any of these or those, so whats the sink for, and howlong have ye hud that car….”
This is just too exhausting for words, however I do want the sink, and, having driven all the way there, I feel compelled, to at least offer some response.
I return and set up the sink on it’s pedestal in a corner of the secret base/pend/garage where I will later seek approval for it’s likely instalation here, or there. My next tasks are all outside in the garden, but after several hours a small finishing job requires a more level surface than I can get outside, and I bring the stand I am working inside to the flat floor.
While adjusting things for final assembly, I unconciously place the power screwdriver I am holding down to one side.
There is a mighty Crash! and I am showered with razor sharp fragments of ceramic.
Yes, I have rested the screwdriver on the -completely unsecured -sink, which, along with it’s pedestal, is now a giant 2000 piece jigsaw.
Does anyone know a supermarket that sells bathroom fittings, preferably self checkout?
Next week on IaDL: There is an unregistered item in the bagging area….
Dalmallyfest the Asylum 