It’s A Dogs Life 34

Curtains for lucky!

No really, we got curtains. Ordered for manufacture and delivery in 6 weeks, back in January (probably the day after we moved in) the bespoke curtains for our 13′ high livingroom bay window finally apeared.

Apparantly the Chinese are hording the entire worlds supply of curtain material, or possbily Brexit has new regulations requiring a details customs inspection of lined fabic over a certain size, or (my personal favourite) our delivery (coming from England) was delayed by the Suez canal incident and diverted around Africa. So we should not complain that they are merely 5 months late….

However now they ARE here I am required to make good on promises to put up a curtain rail/track/pole that will support them.

As you might imagine, (lined) curtains for a 13′ tall, full bay window, are quite weighty, and cannot be fixed up with string and sticky tape, or even, bungies and cable ties which, are the staple of most of my repairs and makeshift constructions.

Were it only a question of throwing money at some supplier of curtain rails for bay windows, I would happily part with the cash. However this is not particularly straightforwards as such things as are on offer (online or otherwise), do not quite measure up to our needs/have athstetic issues/ don’t actually display the supports which we need to see, anywhere on the website.

After several acrimonious days, and visits to shops to see things that are “quite like” the thing we want (but never the actual item itself), an order is made on the basis that I will make it work when it arrives. (Words which, do indeed, return to haunt me).

Unfortunately when it arrives….

“These cant go here, they will need to go there”

“They cant go there, these will be the wrong size”

“Here is not strong enough”

“Well there is too low, these are too long”

“Here, is too weak, they are too heavy, it will never hold, can’t you shorten them?”

“Wait a minute, these are the wrong size too”

“How can they be the wrong size ? “

“Well we can’t send them back now”

“Can’t you make something?”

Large Orange “sense of humour failure imminent!” lights are flashing in the corners of the room. I’m sure a klaxon is about to go off, and suddenly it is 10pm and the curtains, their 4million rings and the wrong sized poles are still on the floor.

And so of course, I must make something, using cunning and geometry. Something that will take all the weight but remain “asthtetically pleasing”, which broadly means it must have industrial strength, while ideally appearing to be made of pixie dust and cobwebs.

Day 2.

I require; the really heavy steps (in about 3 places), the extending ladder, a new hacksaw, a willing son (without phone in hand) who will remain where he is asked to remain without wandering off when I’m doing something else for 10 seconds, the big drill, the little drill, the pillar drill, some angle brackets, some better angle brackets, a sharper drill, several bits of flotsam from my store of “keep this it’ll come in handy one day”, 23 trips to the pend, both tool boxes, a coffee, another coffee, my protractor (we must have a protractor somewhere?), a tape measure, a longer tape measure, look, surely someone has a protractor? better screws than this thing came with (ones that match) and if I could be ambidexterous as well, that would be a big help.

It “only” takes a second entire day, but the curtains are finally up. Of course a hitherto invisible aspect of the pattern is now displayed as the are opened in their full glory for the first time. I think on ballance, we will just live with it. Sending them back just no longer feels like an option.

Next week: August? How can it be August?