So I’m back at hospital for another check up, this one is specifically to support my return to driving.
“Hi I’m Fiona! I’ll be doing your tests today!” (Bubbly and possibly just a shade too cheery)
” So if you could cover your left eye and read the lowest line of letters?”
“LogMAR copyright 1998….”
“ha ha ha” (a bit forced)
“Now we’ll try with the left eye please, just swap the patch over”
“T” – tips head to side ” A Z P… M O Y D… g a b s z…..now I’m guessing”
” Good! good! that’s fine!”
and we move on to the field of vision test.
Interestingly, you do not have to do a field of vision test as a “normal” driver, so there is no baseline for this. No matter how sunken your eyes, how prominent your brow ridges, or how big your nose, you are not tested for this.
This is the test I failed at my opticians with one eye. Failed so narrowly they tested me again, and actualy showed me the results, a fail by less than 1% of their tollerance. Presumably with both eyes, and my amazing glasses, this should be a breeze.
Basically you sit peering into a screen that is all around your head. Lights, tiny pinpoints, flash on randomly while you continually look straight ahead. Click the button when you see a light.
“You will miss some lights, everyone has a blind spot…”
About 200 clicks later, I am done.
” I wonder if you could just do it again, without the glasses…” (and Fiona mumbles something about “my frames getting in the way….”)
Another 200 clicks, this time having to choose which centre to focus on…… and done.
Somewhere in this proceedure Fiona has stopped making the “good, good, well done” bubbly approval noises. Her silence is palpable.
“So?”
(panicking) ” Well I just do the tests, I can’t tell you what it means….”
I explain patiently that I am waiting for the DVLA to get back, and they will surely contact the hospital for these results, but IN THE MEANTIME, if the hospital pass me to drive, I can drive (until DVLA say not).
This is the specific purpose of todays tests….. as arranged by my consultant
Fiona is now leafing through my notes frantically and constantly repeating the “above my pay grade mantra”.
I point out that I have actually seen my single eye results and had them elaborated to me, and the criteria explained (this is the kind of thing I remember with encyclopaedic detail). However clearly a patient who might understand his own results poses a giant threat, and only my consultant can tell me, so I can’t be shown anything (Papers stuffed into folders) and I should come back in a month (door is now being held open for me).
C’est la vie or la view…..
Next week on IaDL….Building? yes I’ve done some building…..
Dalmallyfest the Asylum 