It’s a Dog’s Life 63

I(we) have to buy a new(er) car.

Ideally it will be an estate, with an automatic gearbox (Chris’ sole requirement), less than 9 years old, and maybe a hybrid…..

Frankly we were a bit amazed that the old one passed the MOT. We had prepared mentally for an uneconomic figure for work needing done, but the surprise result took the wind out of our resolve, it seemed we didn’t need to do anything just yet.

However, although it was not “our” mechanic, who did the test – the pass was issued by an independant test centre – there are still one or two minor issues.

I’m not even speaking about the TPMS light still being on (is that not a fail?) , or the reversing lights not actually working (that must be a fail?). Apparantly the gap in the wing (result of a minor collision a few years ago) should be a fail, but the patch on the bottom of the petrol tank is ok(!).

I can only assume the examiners were so distracted by the discovery that part of the suspension was missing (not broken, not faulty), that they failed to note say, the hole in the top of the petrol tank, and these other trivial issues.

The upshot is, that the car – which has admittedly had a hard life at our (my) hands – can advisedly only take at most a half tank of petrol, and still tends to smell like the aftermath of a napalm attack, and of course, there is the intermittant and untraceable electrical fault, which recently took it from; brand new battery fresh from the machine shop ( £110 kerching!) to, dead as a very dead doornail, not a spark of life, in the pouring rain (freezing sleet actually), after a mere 4 days. I was – unamused.

I know there are some, for whom the requirement to go vehicle shopping would be in the nature of a treat, but you would be right to guess I am not among their number.

Even with every tool of the internet at my disposal, it appears to be impossible to reconcile our demands of economy, elbow room, age, transmission and budget. Or at least impossible in Scotland.

Birmingham it seems, and Bradford, and parts of Manchester, are carpeted with second hand vehicles at bargain prices. Sometimes there is even a decent photo, which has a habit of revealling that the car is not seemingly the model actually advertised (because the 2013+ xtc has a split rear seat, and the one in the picture clearly does not…).

And I am left puzzling over the arcane pricing which dictates that, of the 5 (supposedly) identical ex fleet hybrids, it is the one with the lowest declared mileage that is cheapest (by some margin)? It would be nice if anyone would answer the phone, or an email enquiry (do you deliver?), or even if some of the dealerships own web pages did not trigger “Danger Will Robinson!” alarms from my AVG security.

I also discover that my (admittedly fairly cheap) insurance will happily swap me to a new vehicle, but… will immediately render my old car undriveable and illegal on the street.

This would be fine if I can part exchange with a seller , although I have my suspicions that I may have to pay someone to take the old car away – despite the brand new battery and replaced suspension thing. What if I drive to England and they don’t want my old car, or, where do I leave it, if I train down, bearing in mind that I might want it back, on my return.

This is something of a new dilema for me, as my experience has historically been that a new car is purchased to replace an old car already consigned to the great scrap heap in the sky. Retiring a set of working wheels – however tired- is a novelty.

I note that the market appears to have a glut of 2.8-3litre engined, van equivalents that seat 8 (or more) and can host a small conference, while screening several films. However , while my son could probaby buy one with his birthday money, it’s unclear that we could afford the loan to fill the fuel tank ….

In the end, I have located a non hybrid, non estate, 9 year old, which is only 50 miles away, at the edge of my budget, of course I’m now on nights (again). At least it’s a Automatic. The dealer even thinks he might be able to give me something for the old car….a handshake…. a punch…. covid?

Next week on IaDL ….Vroooom!