(loss)
In my last post, I posed the question – among others- “how long did I have with my 87 year old mum?”
It was more of a hypothetical discourse on time, but the answer was – “not very long at all”
She passed on Monday evening.
While I was not able to be there at the end, I was able to spend a very precious hour or so with her earlier in the evening – while she was “poorly”- her final, and very rapid, deterioration took everyone by surprise.
Many have sent words of condolence and support for which I am extremely grateful.
I should stop now, but life goes on, and it is the lot of children to bury their parents.
I do not say I am not sad, but I am not surprised. She was a tiny woman- quite ill, with little physical reserve. The day could easily have come six months ago, or it could have been postponed six months hence, but we knew it was coming, and I have lived this hour many times in expectation.
It is, of course, a time of much personal reflection – “Could I have been a better son?” looms hard on the horizon. And in this time of loss and doubt, it is only the words and gestures of others that we love, that bring comfort and support.
When the flowers arrived today , I was truly taken a-back. By chance or design the bouquet is entirely in the colour pallet favoured by my mum.
It came with, Tony “Sorry for your loss” but no attribution – a thing I have done myself more than once by mistake (and rarely, by intent), and following a diligent but fruitless search, the speculation began as to the identity of the sender.
Several “likely” names present, and then I immediately feel guilty because I did not equally immediately consider C or D, then it occurs that, E F or G… are also potential candidates, then I realise what is actually the more important thing. The sender(s) could be virtually any one of many friends – or indeed my wife.
The very fact that I do not immediately know, is a happy measure of how lucky I feel in my extended family. Thank you all, whether you sent the flowers or not, I believe in my heart that they could have come from you, and at this time , that means a great deal.
Next week on IaDL …
PS This is NOT an appeal for more flowers.
PPS If it was you, I do want to know.
Dalmallyfest the Asylum 